Ma Boo gets interviewed by Fuckface Morgan

It has barely been a few weeks into the new year and already Ma Boo has been busier than a bullemic after an all you can eat buffet at Sizzler. Not only did he welcome in the new year for the world and have to put up with Kathy Griffin molesting him constantly on international television, but he also took the time (or was forced by CNN) to interview Fuckface (Piers) Morgan as apparently the genius' at CNN believe Fuckface is the only one with enough talent to take over from Larry King, now that the great man has entered his thousandth human year.

As always Ma Boo was an astoundingly hot mess and did a great interview, but OMG seriously Fuckface needs to learn how to turn it down and learn some humility. I know that this show was all about him and his life but holy god he made it sound like he invented the art of interviewing and he is une journaliste extrodinaire, which can I say for the record he is not as he used to be the boss of News of the World. NEWS OF THE WORLD  people!!!! That should say it all really.

The saving grace of this Fuckface fest was when said Fuckface interviewed Ma Boo and Ma Boo opened up about his personal life which gave me a breakdown of amazing proportions. How I wish Anderson Cooper could just be CNN.

Anyway here is the link to the interview if you want to see some more silver fox action and join me in breakdowns to Ma Boo. MA BOO. A word of warning though, seeing Fuckface on screen for more than a minute may leave you as unimpressed as the bish below.

Louis Living!

After my MoMA adventures I was starving and in need of real food. The only thing I wanted in the world was a pizza, I didn't care what kind, it just needed to be pizza preferably from an Italian restaurant.

So I walk out of MoMA, cross the street and the first thing I see is an Italian flag. Thank god I think to myself, I walk up to it and it turns out it is a concrete company, can you imagine Italians and concrete!!! I was getting flashbacks to my childhood when my Italian grandfather tore up every blade of grass in his backyard, concreted it, built some wierd shanty type buildings in the backyard and then covered the whole place in grapevines, almost like it was a vineyard in the sky.

Fortunetly next to that place was a bistro called Pampillon which I knew is French for butterfly, so I thought this is going to be great. There is nothing I love more than a good french bistro. I asked to have lunch and they took me upstairs where there was this huge loft like space that was made from solid timber and then polished. It definently did look like an authentic French bistro, even if the menu was more than a little Americanised.



While I was waiting for my pizza to come all of a sudden out of nowhere this piano starts to play, I turn around and there is this big beautiful African American man sitting at the piano ( who kind of looked like Seal as a sidebar) and he started to sing. He mostly sang classic songs from the 50's and 60's but he did manage to play Coldplay, most of the Mamma Mia soundtrack and Memory from Cats, we were close to Broadway after all.

Secretly I really wanted to ask him to play as time goes by so that my illusion of him being Sam from Cascablanca would be complete, although at the time I hesitated because I thought it might be racist, but whatever. My favorite song that he played he introduced by saying "When I sing this song people often cry, but if you get the feeling you are about to cry, come and cry into my tip jar instead." Then he played What a Wonderful World and sang like he was Louis Armstrong. It was beautiful, I smiled at him, then cried.

My meal was over, I got up, put on my coat, tipped him $5.00, shook his hand and then left. He is the true definition of talent, and honestly that musical lunch thing whatever it was, is one of my top 5 things I did while in New York.

MoMA

One of the things that I was most looking forward to doing while in New York was visiting the Museum of Modern Art (MoMA) for the first time. I have been a long time fan of the museum and kept up to date with what they had been doing online.

Being the holiday season by the time I arrived it was pretty busy with people everywhere but luckily my friend SARAH had given me one of her works corporate passes so I could skip the queues which was nice. I did however have to go and check in my bag with the militant MoMA bag bitches.

Apparently they won't take your bag if you have a camera, laptop or umbrella, I had a camera in mine but I lied and thankfully didn't have to open my bag to prove it like I saw some other visitors doing, they were pretty full on, but then again anything dealing with security in America sends the American's into a tailspin making them think that everyone is a terrorist, because clearly the first place the Terrorists will strike is MoMA.

Anyway once I was through customs, I mean the cloak room I started my little voyage to descover what the New York modern art scene had to offer me. Some of the works were interesting but none really gave me the wow factor. Instead I found myself being amazed at the people who were visiting, so many young couples all in turtlenecks (literally) bumping into other couples also sporting turtlenecks and discussing the current exhibitions as they have all presumbly majored in post-modern art at NYU. Wankers.

There was one redeeming feature though, MoMA was the first Amercian gallery to buy some of Claude Monet's famous waterlilly paintings. I die for Claude's waterliles series ever since I ssaw it at the National Gallery of Australia as a teenager. The paintings have their own part of MoMA and they are amazing and a real crowd pleaser, even for non turtleneck wearers.

What I have learnt

So I am a big believer that everything happens for a reason. For example a few months ago I saw a psycic who when she was measuring my chakra's (for real) she told me that I was very well grounded and things like having a big house and a nice car and lots of money wasn't that important to me and it was more about loving the people in my life, which I kind of thought was half true, because I mean bitch please who wants to be poor?

Anyway I think now I know what she was on about, when I look back at my time in America the things that I loved doing the most really was hanging out and being around my friends, especially those that I haven't seen in quite a while.

The other stuff that I did like discover the city, go to Central Park and do some Times Square living were all amazing and I loved doing them, but for me my favorite things were hanging out in Alex's appartment with some takeout food and watching America's amazing cable TV, sitting with Sarah in a vegan cafe laughing hysterically about things we have both already forgotten, and generally just spending some one on one time with the people I love, which is generally harder to do when we are all at home, because we are generally in groups.

I'm glad that this is one of the lessons New York has taught me about myself.

An open letter to the people of America

Dear good people of America,

Being a foreinger in a new and often strange land has made me aware of the following insights about your country:

I believe in my heart of hearts that for the most part American's are good and kind people and as shown to me and my friends during our stay, are happy to go out of your way to help people in need, especially in New York which came as a surpirse to me as New Yorkers have a reputation as being arseholes.

American's are a complex people for as much as you are willing to help people in need you also score an absolute zero for service. Now I don't like to think as myself as being a difficult customer, in fact most of the time I prefere to not speak to my waitress/room attendant/receptionist and just say what needs to be said during a transaction but during my stay in New York hardly anyone looked at me in the eye when serving me, and to even get someone to serve me proved to be a constant struggle.

So here is what I propose you do for my next trip, take an interest in your job, take an interest in the people you are serving, you may hate you job/life but that is something I don't need to know about, just bring me my lunch when I ask for it. The fact that service is so bad in America astounds me considering everyone working in it depends on tips to get by.

The next time there is a blizard (even a bad one) get your shit together and do what you need to do to melt the snow and plough it so that the cities in your country can function again. Also, just because it snows and workers are busy dealing (or not dealing) with it does not mean that you can just stop collecting the rubbish and allow it to pile up on the streets for days at a time. I would imagine this would be a problem for a third world nation, not a first, and certainly not for a world super power.

On a more positive note, your cable television is amazing. Like seriously amazing. Some days I wanted to not do a thing and watch different tv channels all day and get lost in the fabulosity of the different tv shows you have created, that other countries could never even dream up of. You people definently understand what good entertainment is all about and how to turn it into 500 different reality shows. Cupcake wars and Real Housewifes and wedding shows where white trash have tacky weddings will forever be in my heart.

And finally - NOT ALL VISITORS TO YOUR COUNTRY ARE TERROISTS!!! Please for the love of god relax when you let tourists through customs, especially in LA. I did not appreciate the hispanic lesbian border patrol woman giving me the third degree about who I am and what I do and my intended purpose of my trip all the while making me feel like I was about to get arrested, for simply wanting to visit. If you continue everyone will just start going to Canada instead.

I must say though that it was a visit I will never forget and I feel that I now understand you and your way of life a bit better, although I will never understand why you voted Geroge W Bush in as your leader...twice.

Walking in a winter wonderland

The writters of the above mentioned song must have had Central Park in mind when they were writing their lyrics - simply stunning.

Worlds collide

While at Times Square I went to two places which rocked my world and also shock it to its very core, making me want to head straight back to the airport to fly home.

Let me set the scene, it was really cold, about 9pm and there were thousands upon thousands of people. It's basically what I imagine walking down the mainstreet of Beijing is like. I basically had to shuffle forward bit by bit and ride the wave of the crowd. The lights off all the billboards made it seem like it was daylight, it was terrfying.

The first was the Toys R Us store, which is more like a toy museum where you get to buy the things on display. You walk into these revolving doors that just churn people in and out. Then the amazing freakshow of toys begins. There is a giant fairestwheel and each seat is a car, like what does that even mean. Then there is the Barbie section which is actually just her dream house. Also there were a lot of hotties working there, probably just trying to get their way through uni, but still they were too beautiful to work there.

The freakshow continued across the road at M&M World. You might think it sounds like fun but you have to remember it was about 10pm and there were thousands of people crammed into this narrow three level place. It was kind of amazing though, but really overwhelming.