Musee d'Orsay - I fucking love you!!!

As I am sure you can gather from my creative title I really like Musee d'Orsay, almost as much as I like taking photographs in parks...almost.

Anyway I totes made a beeline to said Musee as soon as I got to Paris because the first time I went I loved it so much and actually went right after going to the Louvre for the first time and having a breakdown. For me the Musee d'Orsay represents what a fine arts museum should embody. It is easy to access, they limit the ammount of people allowed in at one time so you aren't too crowded and can actually appreciate the art, the art itself is diverse and covers multiple genres without becoming too overwhelming.

Most importantly the building itself has played an important role within the community before becoming a museum serving as a palace and a train station. That gives it character and makes the museum more interesting because you become not only interested in the art that it is showcasing but also fascinated by the building and its own story.

I had recently seen some of its key pieces when they were touring in Canberra as part of the French Masterpieces exhibition which still makes me die, when I think about it. Those paintings are still on tour as the third floor of the museum is being renovated, but it did not matter to me, I still saw some amazing pieces up close like le dejuener sur l'herbre.

Speaking of, when I saw that painting there was a high school group being taught the paintings significance and sketching it. Could you even imagine being a high school student in Paris and just having these types of museums as your locals? My god, you wouldn't have any other option but to graduate being highly cultured.

Another amazing thing happened while I was there, in the cafe when I was ordering my morning coffee and chocolate muffin (because we all know that chocolate in the morning is fine when you are in Paris right?) a Japanese tourist was having a bit of a lost in translation moment with the French waitress who was just plain pissed at him not being able to speak English or French. Anyway I helped him order his coffee and translated from Japanese into French, the first time I had done that. Bitch is well smart.

Pere Lachaise Cemetry

There is a scene in Paris Je t'aime of an American couple having a breakdown about their relationship or something in this huge cemetry, better known as Pere Lachaise Cemetry.

It's in the 20th and a little far out but still on the metro so fine enough to get to. I entered through the main area and started my walk around. It was the middle of the morning and I was really hungry. Earier on I had bought a baguette from my local bakery which makes my mouth orgasm everytime, and I was meant to save it for lunch but instead I got that sucker out as soon as I arrived and started walking amongst all the dead.

It is a bit of a funny place, especially to visit. Like what is the protocol for a cemetry where you don't actually know any of the people personally? Are you meant to take photos because it is a tourist site or will be people be offended? Is it acceptable to eat a foot long chicken baguette while walking through? I am sure we all know the answer to the last question - MOST DEFINENTLY YES!!

This place is huge. And because I was practically feeling as though I was Parisian I thought I wouldn't need a map, how silly I was. I think I got half way and even saw the grave of Jim Morrison, which is bizarely enough surrounded by other graves which you need to almost walk ontop of to get to, it is very odd. At the half way point there is a lovely open area where you can sit, look at the great view and watch the world go by/eat an amazing baguette.

It was weird to see other tourists looking at graves. There just is something not so right about turning a cemetry into a tourist attraction. I was remnded of this fact when as I was leaving there was a grieving family burying one of their family members. It was a private moment for them and they had tourists streaming past them during the service, not so nice. I am glad I went there but never really need to go back.

Being the sensative tourist that I am (aside from the eating) I decided to not take any photos there. BUT thankfully that hasn't stopped other hot messes from doing that and uploading that shiz onto the internets.

Rodin

This is one place that I have read about but never been. I actually for some reason thought that it was really far out of the city, but was totes surprised to learn that it is actually located right next to the Hotel d'Invalides.

It is a very unassuming looking museum which is actually refreshing. The displays and sculptures are spread out withplenty of room, and unlike so many other European museums they haven't bombarded the visitor with too many things to look at.

Seeing all the sculptures in the garden is amazing. The doors of hell is mindblowing and the most famous piece is The Thinker which is was a thrill to see. I really enjoyed this museum and will totally go back the next time I am in Paris.

Neighbours

The neighbours of the Eiffel Tower are surprisingly enough The Australian Embassy and The House of Japanese Culture in Paris.

The Australian Government has a nice piece of real estate with this Embassy and became the owner apparently because the Germans gave it to us when they were losing the war and retreating from Paris, so it is kind of tainted with the liberty of the French, but still Australia knows what's good for it so we ain't going to give it back.

The building is totally gross and looks like it hasn't been renovated since the war. It is grey and kind of gross generally, I got very bad vibes from it, even though it was nice to see the Australian flag etc. On the other side of the building is this huge billboard advertisment from Tourism Australia, which has some guy in a crocodile hunteresque outfit in the middle of a desert in what looks like the outback of the Northern Territory with "Visit Australia".

Now I am not saying that the outback of the Northern Territory isn't Australian but surely we are more than the bloddy outback. I thought it was a bit fo a shame that this is what we have decided to show the French (and all the tourists going to the Eiffel Tower too) and perpetuate the sterotype that Australia is just one big dustbowl. I think that a collection of images that showcased our forrests, outback, beaches and cities would have been a better reflection of what people can expect from Australia and a better use of the advertising space.

The House of Japanese Culture in Paris is amazing even though there really isn't anything to see. They don't have exhibitions but they do have a TV screen where you can watch sumo matches and a collection of bonsai's that rich Parisian woman have created. The same rich Parisian woman are the ones who sit down and watch the sumo with a puzzeled look. It was the perfect mix of cultres. The gift shop is also amazing if for the only reason being that old Japanese woman speak French in it - A-MAY-ZING!!!!!

I'm just here to see the tower

I decided this time that I wouldn't go and see the Eiffel Tower because I have been there and done that and while it is an amazing structure it is totes touristy always packed with people and going there in January is not the best as it is always freezing. However one day I found myself in the area so I walked under it and took a few photos.

However I kind of wish I hadn't. First of all there were about a million people trying to sell you shitty Eiffel Tower souvenirs which I knew there would be from last time, but this time they were EVERYWHERE and even walking up to you under the Eiffel Tower. Like back up and get out of my grill mister. They made me feel really unsafe.

Also there were several people with clipboards (never a good sign) trying to get people to donate money to a charity. So these people were all mute and so just shoved the clipboard infront of you after they spotted you and launched themselves at you. I was so not interested and even wondered if they actually were mute because how hard would it be to pretend? And they had no identification on them saying that they were from this certain place, but what they did have was heaps of people's signatures and their money.

So between the men rattaling the chains at me and every deaf and mute Parisian chashing me down I was totally happy to get away from that place. Just after the Tower is a park thing where I thought I could take some refuge - not so. There were a group of these three African guys who looked dodgey as hell and were standing in the middle of the park and stopping people as they walked past, trying to get money out of them. Because they travelled in a pack it was pretty full on. Anyway as soon as I saw them I tried to walk as far in the opposite direction to aviod them while still getting to where I needed to go.

It was such a bad experience of Paris' most popular tourist attraction, which is a shame because so many other tourists must encounter the same set of characters. The thing that I found amazing was that the numerous police and even soldiers that patrol the Eiffel Tower were happy just to walk past and let tourists get harrased by these people. Being at the bottom of the Eiffel Tower during the middle of the day was the unsafest I felt in Paris.

LIZ HURLEY STOP IT!!!

Liz Hurley has got to be the dumbest hoe around for actually wanting to go anywhere near Shane Warne, who's ability to inflate his own ego and prolongue his career (instead of fucking off the face of the earth) is a modern miracle, don't worry about all that Mary McKillop shiz Pope Benny needs to take a look at what is going on currently in Melbourne.

Bitch flew across the world to spend some time with this mess, perhaps it is to compare hair tips, how to perfect that orange tan, or for Shane to show Liz how to get her teeth whiter than reflex paper (a little tip -  having orange skin to start with helps). Whatever the reason this bish has totes gone down in my books. I just hope that this is Liz trying to cry out for someone to help her as she has clearly sunk to a new all time low in her life, if she thinks that Shane is a good idea.

A little slice of delicious

Because I was eager to get out of the hostel as often as I could I made sure that I had the majority of my meals out of it. Thankfully there was a little bakery two or three shops up. It was a pokey little store where the ladies behind the counter seemed to know each and everyone of their customers life stories and would chat to them over and again during their visit, all except for me ofcourse. Whatever they don't even know me!!! It even looked like a sterotypical french bakery with wooden woven basket shit hanging off every wall and baguetts and other amazing pastries for sale.

But anyway that is niether here nor there because the real glory of this place (which I am actually convinced is a portal straight into heaven) was their lunchtime chicken baguettes. I had them every day I was there and each time was better than the last. The beauty of the French is that they can turn a simple thing like a baguette, tomato, lettuce and chicken into the most delicious sandwich thing I have ever had. I also loved that they served it with a side of mayonaise and hatred of non fluent French speakers such as myself.

Even though this is what I am sure angel tears would taste like, the hot messes at the bakery only charged me like 2.50 Euros for the baguette and a bottle of water. So here's my tip for Paris, canvas your local area for all the corners bakeries and then launch yourself on their goods. It is cheap and yummy. A dumb hoe once told me that bread makes you fat but if it is European bread it doesn't count right?