I'm just here to see the tower

I decided this time that I wouldn't go and see the Eiffel Tower because I have been there and done that and while it is an amazing structure it is totes touristy always packed with people and going there in January is not the best as it is always freezing. However one day I found myself in the area so I walked under it and took a few photos.

However I kind of wish I hadn't. First of all there were about a million people trying to sell you shitty Eiffel Tower souvenirs which I knew there would be from last time, but this time they were EVERYWHERE and even walking up to you under the Eiffel Tower. Like back up and get out of my grill mister. They made me feel really unsafe.

Also there were several people with clipboards (never a good sign) trying to get people to donate money to a charity. So these people were all mute and so just shoved the clipboard infront of you after they spotted you and launched themselves at you. I was so not interested and even wondered if they actually were mute because how hard would it be to pretend? And they had no identification on them saying that they were from this certain place, but what they did have was heaps of people's signatures and their money.

So between the men rattaling the chains at me and every deaf and mute Parisian chashing me down I was totally happy to get away from that place. Just after the Tower is a park thing where I thought I could take some refuge - not so. There were a group of these three African guys who looked dodgey as hell and were standing in the middle of the park and stopping people as they walked past, trying to get money out of them. Because they travelled in a pack it was pretty full on. Anyway as soon as I saw them I tried to walk as far in the opposite direction to aviod them while still getting to where I needed to go.

It was such a bad experience of Paris' most popular tourist attraction, which is a shame because so many other tourists must encounter the same set of characters. The thing that I found amazing was that the numerous police and even soldiers that patrol the Eiffel Tower were happy just to walk past and let tourists get harrased by these people. Being at the bottom of the Eiffel Tower during the middle of the day was the unsafest I felt in Paris.

LIZ HURLEY STOP IT!!!

Liz Hurley has got to be the dumbest hoe around for actually wanting to go anywhere near Shane Warne, who's ability to inflate his own ego and prolongue his career (instead of fucking off the face of the earth) is a modern miracle, don't worry about all that Mary McKillop shiz Pope Benny needs to take a look at what is going on currently in Melbourne.

Bitch flew across the world to spend some time with this mess, perhaps it is to compare hair tips, how to perfect that orange tan, or for Shane to show Liz how to get her teeth whiter than reflex paper (a little tip -  having orange skin to start with helps). Whatever the reason this bish has totes gone down in my books. I just hope that this is Liz trying to cry out for someone to help her as she has clearly sunk to a new all time low in her life, if she thinks that Shane is a good idea.

A little slice of delicious

Because I was eager to get out of the hostel as often as I could I made sure that I had the majority of my meals out of it. Thankfully there was a little bakery two or three shops up. It was a pokey little store where the ladies behind the counter seemed to know each and everyone of their customers life stories and would chat to them over and again during their visit, all except for me ofcourse. Whatever they don't even know me!!! It even looked like a sterotypical french bakery with wooden woven basket shit hanging off every wall and baguetts and other amazing pastries for sale.

But anyway that is niether here nor there because the real glory of this place (which I am actually convinced is a portal straight into heaven) was their lunchtime chicken baguettes. I had them every day I was there and each time was better than the last. The beauty of the French is that they can turn a simple thing like a baguette, tomato, lettuce and chicken into the most delicious sandwich thing I have ever had. I also loved that they served it with a side of mayonaise and hatred of non fluent French speakers such as myself.

Even though this is what I am sure angel tears would taste like, the hot messes at the bakery only charged me like 2.50 Euros for the baguette and a bottle of water. So here's my tip for Paris, canvas your local area for all the corners bakeries and then launch yourself on their goods. It is cheap and yummy. A dumb hoe once told me that bread makes you fat but if it is European bread it doesn't count right?

Champs Elysees

The Champs Elysees at night is stunning. Even though the entire street pretty much caters only for tourists with its five million shops, it still remains a delightful stroll. There is such an atmosphere to this area which has people on it pretty much all day everyday and it is all capped off at the end by arriving at the Arc de Triomphe. Seeing it all lit up is amazing. My favorite route to walk in Paris is from the Jardins du Tulliers, up the Champs Elysees and ending at the base of the Arc.

Of bridges and locks

On one of the many bridges that connect the two sides of Paris lies a bridge where for some unknown reason people have hung locks. There doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason, it just is because it is. Some of the locks carry love dedications, others have flags of where people are from and others are just blank. Looking at them all together is cool if not a little puzzeling.  What they are meant to represent I am not sure, decided for yourself.

The Louvre - take 2

The first time I was in Pairs I ofcourse went to the Musee d'Louvre and struggled like I imagine the rest of the world does with the ammount of things there is there to see and do. I felt really overwhelmed by it all and in the end I found it frustrating and kind of awful to be in. I didn't get to appreciate any of the art properly and had more of breakdown dealing with all the crowds and navigating myself through the huge place.

My friend who I was travelling with back then did a two hour audio tour (which I turned my nose up at because I wanted to have a truely organic experience and not be led by a machine, WTF was I thinking?) and liked it, so this time I gave the old place another shot but with the assistance of said machine.

As you can imagine I still struggled to navigate my way and use the machine but after a while it became ok and things started to make sense. Out of the four tours you could do I did the two hour tour about the building itself and detailed its art and history when it played host to the imperial court of the Sun Kings and that hot mess Napoleon.

It was actually a really interesting tour and I found out so much about the place that i understood it better leading me to appreciate it more. I loved going through all the apartments of the nobilty as they were and seeing the great frescos and other ways that rooms were deocrated. My absolute favorite though was seeing the rooms where Napoleon would throw banquets and parties for Paris' VIPs. If I ever had a cocktail bar it is exactly what I would want it to be like.

The Galeries LaFayette

Jesus Christ on a cross this place is bat shit insane.

For those of you who have never had the pleasure (or horror for some) of visiting the above mentioned place, it is an amazing department store in the heart of Paris. There are actually two, I went to the one closer to my hostel, so I think it is the store in the 7th.

The reason I found out about it is because of their very clever marketing campaign to tourist They provide free printed maps of Paris to all the local hotels in the city and on the map have the directions and both stores easily located. It makes sense for the hotels to take them because it saves them money and let's face it what tourist doesn't need a map in a new city. It is such a simple marketing idea but one which has not been utlised enough in Australia.

Galeries LaFayette is like Harrods on crack. There are no poor people anywhere, which is important and even though it is a little bit touristy you need to be mega rich to buy anything there so rest assured that the people inside the store are all hot mess amazing.

Much like every other large department store they have the womans area in one building and in an adjoining building the mens. The men's building is four stories and has a gourmet food court on the second floor, thankfully, so you can pick up your weekly serving of caviar and amazeball cheeses from across Europe.

The woman's store is six or eight levels (totes can't remember) and thankfully has it's own MacDonalds in it so after you have bought your wedding dress, a new plasma, a cartier watch or two you can wash it all down with a McFlurry, this my friend surely is luxury. Oh speaking of there are also Moet Champagne bars in both buildings, you know just incase you need to take the edge off, or find yourself an old mulitmillionaire new husband.

I loved it so much I went back for a second time on my last day in Paris. This place is amazing and also terrifying but mostly amazing.